So, it's nearing the end of this little journey and I'm pondering what my lesson was...I was expecting something life-changing and firework-ish, but instead there is silence....lots of quiet. I realize that this is me...at peace. Wow.
I kept waiting (hoping) for some nuclear explosion of enlightenment and guidance...an obvious sign from the Universe & God that would yell "Here it is!" and present a golden doorway leading me into an amazing, rock star spiritual life with abundance and lots of miracles....a dream come true! Well, don't get me wrong, I found peace and contentment within myself (and anyone who knows me knows that's a tall order).... definitely a miracle, of sorts.
There is silence. And calm. Eerie calm. But there's also an unmistakeable feeling in the air that is thick with energy, strength, power...and lot's of love. It's beautiful. And odd. And I'm happy. But not in any way I thought....just happy...in me. At least for now...lol. :)
Something happened to me as I wandered like a gypsy across the Golden State...I can't deny that. And I didn't even notice it sneak in there. Something spiritual filled that unexplainable 'missing space' in me that I carried in hiding all these years.
Hey, don't get me wrong...I am still making wishes and wanting things...I still have a 'picture' in my head and in my heart of what I want my life to look like and who I want to share it with. I am certainly not thinking of myself as some 'Enlightened Guru Jedi Master'....I know I'm just a girl finding her dream. And I most certainly am NOT trying to preach as if I were Buddha, Lao Tzu, Ghandi....because I know my journey is easier today because they paved roads where once there were none. This is just my little journey...and it just feels so scary and 'important' to me because it's MY journey....
Sending Lots of Love and Peace......
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
What will emerge from the fire?
Not by me, but wanted to share....peace and love- :)
I do not define myself by how many roadblocks have appeared in my path,
I define myself by the courage I've found to forge new roads.
I do not define myself by how many disappointments I've faced,
I define myself by the forgiveness and faith I have found to begin again.
I do not define myself by how long a relationship lasted,
I define myself by how much I loved and have been willing to love again.
I do not define myself by how many times I've been knocked down,
I define myself by how many times I've struggled to my feet.
I am not my pain.
I am not my past.
I am what has emerged from the fire...
I do not define myself by how many roadblocks have appeared in my path,
I define myself by the courage I've found to forge new roads.
I do not define myself by how many disappointments I've faced,
I define myself by the forgiveness and faith I have found to begin again.
I do not define myself by how long a relationship lasted,
I define myself by how much I loved and have been willing to love again.
I do not define myself by how many times I've been knocked down,
I define myself by how many times I've struggled to my feet.
I am not my pain.
I am not my past.
I am what has emerged from the fire...
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
It's awesome to be 'worth spit'.....
A very wise person by the name of Jeannie Dunsworth told me "you ain't worth spit till you hit 40".....well, I am proud to say that I am DEFINITELY worth spit....and very proud of it. Truth. :)
Sending Much Love and Peace to you, Jeannie
Sending Much Love and Peace to you, Jeannie
The Beginning....
(CONSIDER THIS THE 'CLIFF NOTES' VERSION...if any of you are interested in the whole sha-bang version, let me know and I'll direct you to the link in the magazine it'll be printed in soon...)
Hard to tell when my 'spiritual journey' began, but I tell others that my AWARENESS of being on a journey began 2 years ago. Perhaps it had to do with the disintegration of my marriage, my loss of passion for my career, my age (and aging)...a lot of things were the catalyst, I guess. An old friend told me I said to her one day, very seriously, "I'm going on a Spiritual Journey." When she told me this I replied "What the %*&#?! Does that sound like something I'd say?!" She insisted those were my words, so the drama queen in me will mark that moment as the start of this odyssey.
It began with exploring books, 'New Age' websites and stores...it was overwhelming (and a little weird), to say the least. There seemed to be such a huge gap between living 'of this World' (with a normal job, good family, good friends and a little religion to top it off) and delving head first into the vast sea of New Age. I was SCARED...everyone in this New Age world seemed over the top and, dare I say, a bit 'out there'. Nonetheless, I proceeded cautiously....I created my own little bubble-gum, jimmy-rigged spiritual mission to discover what we are all doing here and, ultimately (& selfishly), how to make myself TRULY HAPPY.
My daily mantra is a quote from Buddha-
"Believe NOTHING, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."
That being said, the whole World was now open to me - I explored Hare Krishna, Buddhism, Yoga and Yogis, Tarot, Meditation, Wicca, the Bible, ionic, magnetic...EVERYTHING that sparked an interest in me. It was BEAUTIFUL and enlightening. In this buffet of knowledge, I got to serve myself and built a meal of everything that felt 'right' to me. It was the most satisfying 'meal' of my life. I started to watch sunsets, sunrises, birds flying, clouds breaking, grass growing, people living...all with new eyes. When I ceased judgement of what was right and wrong, I found a little lesson in everything.
OK. So, now you've heard the speech and here I am. Desiring to be an 'example', I'm taking the biggest leap of faith I've ever taken to-date in my life (as ridiculous as that may sound) and I'm so proud of my so-called 'brave' act of following my intuition with little/no safety net. As stressful and scary as this all seems, I've never felt so freeeeeeeeeeeee...funny, isn't it?
Hard to tell when my 'spiritual journey' began, but I tell others that my AWARENESS of being on a journey began 2 years ago. Perhaps it had to do with the disintegration of my marriage, my loss of passion for my career, my age (and aging)...a lot of things were the catalyst, I guess. An old friend told me I said to her one day, very seriously, "I'm going on a Spiritual Journey." When she told me this I replied "What the %*&#?! Does that sound like something I'd say?!" She insisted those were my words, so the drama queen in me will mark that moment as the start of this odyssey.
It began with exploring books, 'New Age' websites and stores...it was overwhelming (and a little weird), to say the least. There seemed to be such a huge gap between living 'of this World' (with a normal job, good family, good friends and a little religion to top it off) and delving head first into the vast sea of New Age. I was SCARED...everyone in this New Age world seemed over the top and, dare I say, a bit 'out there'. Nonetheless, I proceeded cautiously....I created my own little bubble-gum, jimmy-rigged spiritual mission to discover what we are all doing here and, ultimately (& selfishly), how to make myself TRULY HAPPY.
My daily mantra is a quote from Buddha-
"Believe NOTHING, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."
That being said, the whole World was now open to me - I explored Hare Krishna, Buddhism, Yoga and Yogis, Tarot, Meditation, Wicca, the Bible, ionic, magnetic...EVERYTHING that sparked an interest in me. It was BEAUTIFUL and enlightening. In this buffet of knowledge, I got to serve myself and built a meal of everything that felt 'right' to me. It was the most satisfying 'meal' of my life. I started to watch sunsets, sunrises, birds flying, clouds breaking, grass growing, people living...all with new eyes. When I ceased judgement of what was right and wrong, I found a little lesson in everything.
OK. So, now you've heard the speech and here I am. Desiring to be an 'example', I'm taking the biggest leap of faith I've ever taken to-date in my life (as ridiculous as that may sound) and I'm so proud of my so-called 'brave' act of following my intuition with little/no safety net. As stressful and scary as this all seems, I've never felt so freeeeeeeeeeeee...funny, isn't it?
My first step....or "Is 56 bucks enough for a heroic quest?"
11/23/10
I'm sitting on an airplane embarking on my intuitively guided journey. A one way ticket to San Jose, $56 in my wallet (truth!), bag full of old Halloween candy to live on for the 5 hour flight....have to admit it sounds like the beginning of a rags-to-riches love story....I see a book about this one day...well, only if I get to the riches....because people don't want to hear about a journey that didn't amount to anything. So, I'm putting it out there! Big hopes and dreams...and no idea what my next step will be. That's the funny thing with intuitively-guided lives...the concept of planning ahead is absolutely impossible....when we do that, the Universe laughs. (sigh.)
I'm sitting on an airplane embarking on my intuitively guided journey. A one way ticket to San Jose, $56 in my wallet (truth!), bag full of old Halloween candy to live on for the 5 hour flight....have to admit it sounds like the beginning of a rags-to-riches love story....I see a book about this one day...well, only if I get to the riches....because people don't want to hear about a journey that didn't amount to anything. So, I'm putting it out there! Big hopes and dreams...and no idea what my next step will be. That's the funny thing with intuitively-guided lives...the concept of planning ahead is absolutely impossible....when we do that, the Universe laughs. (sigh.)
Taking the leap (more like a 'hop') of faith...
So, my fifth loved one has suggested that I write a blog of my hijinx...I'm going to take this as a message from the Universe and God. I have no real idea what a blog is, but it sounds a lot like me and my random thoughts...perfect. The story begins....but let me catch you up first.
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