Silence is the Guru

In our busy lives, we are constantly surrounded by 'noise'….kids screaming, tv's blaring, incoming emails, music on the radio, the pings of text messages and the pops of neon signs on streets. All around us is chatter, chatter, chatter! In the chaotic race of life, it's so easy to get lost in our responsibilities and caught up in a whirlwind of to-do lists. Being adaptive creatures, we allow it to become the norm. Without realizing it, we find ourselves swept up in a storm of sorts; hamsters on a wheel. Our world hangs in the balance and we have become afraid to hop off the wheel, for fear that our lives will begin to fall apart. We are overwhelmed and exhausted….running ourselves ragged to keep our fragile worlds in tact. Somewhere along the way, we lost our center and find ourselves just trying to keep our head above water.

There's a place that I go to when it starts to be too much; a metaphoric exercise, as I like to refer to it as. I drive up a winding road to the top of a mountain less than 4 miles from the hustle and bustle of my home. It overlooks the entire city….I see my home, my work, my life. At the top of this mountain, is a sprawling park outlined by forest tree and it feels like California again. It could be in Any Park, USA. The park is rarely busy and eerily deserted. I walk out to the grass and sit. I look at the city below, at my condo, at the coffee shop I frequent for my much-needed morning cup of joe, at the traffic filled streets of cars rushing to go to work or run errands. I hear the beeping of irritated drivers and the sirens of firetrucks answering calls. Oddly, it all feels so far away. I feel like I'm watching a movie. Like a bird soaring above an ant hill, there are so many tiny ants hard at work. I am absolutely immersed in quiet and it fills me. I liken this exercise to a Buddhist term: detachment or "non-attachment". Basically, it is a state in which I release my attachments and desires in order to attain a heightened, more enlightened perspective. Physically taking myself out the 'rat race' and going to a place of quiet….looking from a detached or 'bird's eye' view at my world…..seems to put everything back into perspective. I hop into my car and return to my world with a new sense of 'quiet' and calm. I didn't need to read anything, talk about anything, do any laborious activity….I just needed to quiet my world and regain perspective from a detached place. It's such a powerful reset for me.

I've started to do this regularly….not only when things are starting to overwhelm me, but in order to maintain my center. The more regularly I did this, the easier I found it to quiet my world when I wasn't able to get to the park. As I became more familiar with the practice of "detaching", I found that I had the capacity to do this anytime and anywhere. Sometimes, it just involves shutting off the tv, turning the ringer off on my phone, and walking outside to look up at the sky. Other times, it involved closing my eyes at my desk and visualizing a bird's eye view of my current surroundings. It takes practice….basically, just doing it regularly. At first, we need to go through the physical process of exiting our surroundings to detach. But, the more we do it, the more easily we can access that detached state. By doing this, we reconnect with our inner peace and, thus, gain a more enlightened perspective on our true situations. From this place of inner peace, we make better decision and choices….less reactive and more action-based (there's a difference!). The silence I speak of getting to a state of being and it requires to do absolutely nothing…literally. Silence is the guru. When was the last time YOU took time to become truly silent? 

('Silence is the Guru' featured in San Francisco's M MAGAZINE Momentum Column - AUGUST 2013)

The Power of Letting Go

(featured in SF's M Magazine - May 2013)

Why do I have such a hard time cleaning my house? I go through drawers and closets filled to the brim with beautiful, wonderful things; things I keep, but rarely use. There are family things, childhood things, luxury things, collectible things, pretty things….a whole lot of THINGS.  For a long time, I rationalized that these things were valuable and, thus, necessary for me to keep. Pshaw….I was a hoarder. Want to know why? Because my sock drawer was no different. I couldn't let go……of anything, apparently.

I'm ashamed to admit that I had socks from when I was 18 years old! They were waiting there, unused for decades, in the hopes that one day I would need them. In reality, the chance of me putting on that 1980's pair of tube socks decorated with little skulls was slim to none….and we all know that. At any rate, it's a sad life for a sock. Some other poor socks were so old that the elastic has deteriorated…they met a sad, lonely end. There are people with no socks out there who would look GREAT in a pair of 80's tube socks and I'm sitting here holding on to them in the slim chance that I will 'need' them one day. Well, that's enough. It was time to clean. It was time to stop being a sad, old 'sock miser'. It was time to start letting go of a number of things I was keeping unfed, isolated and imprisoned in my house. Letting go to help others that may want and need those socks was important, but this exercise was more to help myself. Hoarding isn't healthy. Period. Holding on, stockpiling, collecting, saving….for what?! I was immediately reminded of my grandparents…my beautiful grandparents. They spent their whole lives working, saving money, buying special things that they wrapped in tissue and took out once every 3 years to show me. Things saved, cherished, hidden….and, in all honesty, unloved. With the exception of the five minutes every 3 years when they showed these items to me and told me all about how special they were, they never got to really enjoy those things! 

Well, for me, letting go had to start small….with the sock drawer. And it moved onto my tshirt collection…who the heck needs 87 tshirts?!  It continued into my drawers. And ended in my cupboards and closets. Bags and bags and bags of things. Things that someone else can love now.

It was tough. There were so many things I didn't want to part with. Whenever I had those moments, I would liken the object to a living thing: a plant, a dog, a person. I would ask myself if this 'living thing' had received enough nurturing and attention for it to remain in my life…or if it would have withered and died under my care. I got my answer quickly and proceeded to keep it or allow it to go to a better home. More often, it was the latter.

I came out of this deep house cleaning feeling so much lighter and freer. After all, having all that stuff didn't make my life feel any safer, happier or more meaningful. The quote that inspired me during this was from Bruce Lee:  "It is not a daily increase, but a daily decrease. Hack away at the inessentials." We talk about simplifying our lives all the time. How many of us really walk our talk? If you've read my other articles, you know I am a big proponent of "baby steps."  Well, this was no different. The house-cleaning was step one. I felt so great after that, than I wanted to proceed and implement this in other areas of my life. 

On to step two: time management! Rather than stacking appointments and commitments one on top of the other, I began to spread them out. The world was not going to end if I gave myself an hour between appointments, rather than the usual 20 minutes. So, I gave myself 'cushions' of time to soften my day. And everything flowed better. I wasn't having to rush because I had time to get from one appointment to the next. If I had an unexpected delay, I had a time cushion and it was fine….no longer was my day ruined by a brief hiccup in the schedule. If there were no delays, I had time to relax between….read a book, sit on a park bench, stop for a latte, or chat with a neighbor. With my scheduled appointments, it was easy to schedule the time cushions in. It was a bit more challenging to schedule leisure time with friends….I had a hard time not feeling pressured to squeeze in time to spend with my friends. So, whenever I was feeling undecided about what to do in this case, I asked myself how this invitation made me feel. If thinking about this event made me feel anxious or irritable or stressed….I graciously declined. After all, who wants to be with an anxious, irritable, stressed-out person? I wasn't doing anyone any favors by being there with a bad attitude! I began making time with my friends that worked for BOTH of us and the time with them became happy, pleasant and enjoyable for all!  I was no longer playing a martyr at the end of the day….collapsing in an exhausted heap on my sofa while sharing all the ways I sacrificed myself to make others happy. Yes, this second step took a bit of time and diligence. But I was now showing respect for the things I valued in my life by giving them the time and attention they deserved. I want to go through life enjoying the process….not running feverishly like a hamster on a wheel. In the end, it was about reconnecting to what is essential to my quality of life…..peace and 'flow.' Peace and flow are crucial to my ability to live happily.  Changing the way I manage each day had made a gigantic impact on bringing peace and flow to the forefront of my life again. I don't want to dilute my life with 'inessentials' anymore. 

Does it sound like something you may want to try? My suggestion is to start small. Clean a room in your house and let go of 'inessentials'. When you see how much lighter you feel, you may feel compelled to go bigger and bigger….and bigger! 

"Like Magic".....BECOME MAGIC featured in May 2013 "MODERN LUXURY" magazine