Oi vey...whatta week....

Ok, so I've had probably about the sh*ttiest ENTIRE week this past week....it was so tough....lots of tears, rage, anger, sadness, fear, hurt, self-pity and frustration about many things. And it just kept getting more ridiculously crappy as the week progressed. So much so, that I was waiting for Ashton Kutcher and his camera crew to walk out and tell me that I had been Punk'd....but, of course, you have to be famous for that to happen.

I tried to turn inward....I became kinda serious and silent.  Now, this is REVOLUTIONARY for me because I am many things, but silent is not one of them. Sure, the old tendencies popped into my head...I wanted to set something on fire, get in a fight, punch a wall, demolition my apartment, throw something, kick someone, or go postal....but I didn't.

And...
When I was sad, I cried until I couldn't cry anymore.
When I was mad, I allowed myself to be mad (internally) until I was done being mad.
When I was feeling sorry for myself, I allowed myself to wallow in silence until I was tired of that too.

I allowed myself to experience the 'process' of whatever crap feelings came...I didn't try to numb the 'negative' feeling with the usual distractions or 'meds'.... i.e. alcohol, shopping, drugs, drama, partying, sex, religious fanaticism, human sacrifice...or whatever people use to numb themselves from the challenges of Life these days.

And....I'm ok (for now). Don't get me wrong, the week still sucked big-time. But now it's in the past and all I have any power over is the PRESENT, so I have to take care of business. I can't change yesterday and there are no guarantees about tomorrow...I'm here TODAY and that's all I can do anything about. I went through the feelings, I took care of what I can, I accepted the things I can't....and I feel 'lighter' than I usually would have felt after a week like this.

Maybe I'm growing up....haha. :)  I think I may be getting a little ahead of myself, right?

SO, in conclusion...
When those good days come, I'm gonna ride them till the wheels come off. When the bad days come, I'm gonna do my best to put-up and shut-up...until I get my wheels back. :)  (Btw, this is a little twist on a quote from Russell Simmons....)

Have a great weekend....love and peace-